Specificity (or What I Have Learned from My Infusions)

I learned this term about 5 months ago when I was sitting with my consultant, Michael Roderick. Simply, he is a problem solver who also produces and loves theater as much as I do.  We were discussing about a certain frustration I was feeling. I felt pretty lost and not sure what to do. In this instance, it was regarding theater. Writers have writers block. Producers and directors go through the same thing. And then we are upset that we are stuck or burnt out because we have created in our heads that we are lucky to create. It’s a vicious cycle. Anyway, what I realized is that I have been really lacking some specificity. For example, I want to do everything in addition to my very specific goals. I soon found out weren’t very specific. 

I began my steroid infusions this week to maintain the flair ups of my Multiple Sclerosis. I got really lucky as all my appointments are at 8:00am. That means I have about an hour or so to sit, infuse and reflect. I realized that I should really start being more speficific in all aspects of my life. I have moments when I am all over the place wanting to accomplish everything but at times still feeling unfulfilled. This diagnosis has helped me step back and look at all I have done and what I want to do. For example, deciding which area of theater best serves me and what will be the next big goal; how can I continue to be of service  others to the best of my abililties; what seemed impossible or a dream is slowly becoming a gift which I am truly enjoying.

Being unspecific doesn’t mean one can’t find one’s self but rather narrowing down what speaks to you the most. What do you find yourself always going back to that causes you to light up? What makes you smile? What tugs at your heart and soul?

I am in an enlightened mindset this week. I have so been enjoying the early morning me time while I begin to feel better. I guess this diagnosis is a gift.  I need to look it that way right now…then cry about it later…and contiinue on.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Pingback: malinism
  2. I am glad you have found some productive time for yourself during the infusions. I have done that many times, and you are so correct to invest that time towards something redeeming. I hope the treatment is successful and you are back to feeling better soon.

    1. malinism says:

      Thank you for the support. It’s been easier to go through this knowing others have been here.

  3. Lori says:

    My Dear Malini, I just read this blog, and I cannot tell you how bad I feel….I did not know, did not read your previous blog (just did now) when you were re-diagnosed with MS. Please know that I too am here for you…….you have my number, email and you can call anytime. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, and I can do that as well. I would like to give back to you some of the encouragement, strength and positivity YOU have given to me in the past. I KNOW you will be fine, I just know it. Remember….anytime….I’m here!!! God Bless you my friend,
    Lori Santopetro

    1. malinism says:

      My dear friend. Thank you so much for the kind words and support. It’s knowing that I have this circle of love that has made this so much easier.

      We should do dinner one night when all is settled down 🙂 Much love to you.

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