Anticlimactic :(

 

 

 
jpgHave you ever had one single thought, moment, incident from the distant past, that you completely forgot about, then it pops into your head and then it suddenly and completely consumes you? It becomes an obsession. Then when you walk away from it and revisit, you realize that it occupied way to much space in your head?

 

Oh good because that’s what happened to me. For the last month, I allowed a moment that occurred years ago consume me. The consumption led to an analysis of myself; mentally draining those close to me (I finally was told to stop because they wouldn’t listen anymore); and research on the concepts of reason, excuse and rationalization.

 

As much as that caused some crazy, I actually found out a lot about myself and the above-mentioned ideas.  I wanted to know the if there were differences  between the three.  Reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification or a rational ground or motive. Whereas an excuse is to cause something to seem reasonable and rationalization is an excuse or an attractive explanation. After some pondering, I thought it best to face the truth and finally bring all of this craziness to a close. Why even try to find an explanation, justify it and make it pretty. I decided to take the last step to honesty in hopes of finding my Holy Grail. And…the answer led to this overwhelming feeling of…nothing.

 

Let’s recap:

 

  1. Old memory presents itself.
  2. I try to figure out what to do with it.
  3. It leads to 5 weeks of mental, spiritual and emotional consumption which includes discussion, writing and researching.
  4. I take the final steps toward a definitive answer.
  5. There isn’t one.

 

As I sat on my bed, I said to the cat, “Wow, that was totally anticlimactic. Now what?”

 

The “now what” is the acceptance.  I learned that what I thought was so significant was really trivial. It didn’t negatively impact my life.  As a matter of fact, I think it made me stronger.  It also made me realize that I don’t need to let it rent space in my head.

I also learned that sometimes I like to manufacture personal drama because I kind of like it. And what does that lead to? Sometimes nothing or nothing good.

Malini’s Thought of the Week: Sometimes when you are stuck on something you have to leave it alone and revisit later. Later can be anywhere from 5 minutes to a few years.

 

 

 

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