Category: Random Musings

My sister-in-law, Dawn Slegona McDonald,  is marching on Monday- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Her cause:  Gun Control.  Her rally: One Million Moms for Gun Control. Why: Sandy Hook.

On August 28, 1963, Dr. King stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and delivered a 17 minute speech called “I Have a Dream“. His cause: End Racism. His rally:  March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom. Why: Civil Rights for all.

I, too, have a cause. I strongly believe in the rights and equality of women.  My rally is bringing the message of empowerment through theater. I love theater and for me, it’s the right medium to carry the message. Hence my production of Mum’s (not) the Word in 2010, my work with the EstroGenius Festival and in next month’s  V-Day Hell’s Kitchen “The Vagina Monologues” 2013.

You also have a cause. What burns your *ss? What makes you say, “No More”. What are you going to do?

Fly your flag!

 
Have you ever had one single thought, moment, incident from the distant past, that you completely forgot about, then it pops into your head and then it suddenly and completely consumes you? It becomes an obsession. Then when you walk away from it and revisit, you realize that it occupied way to much space in your head?

Oh good because that’s what happened to me. For the last month, I allowed a moment that occurred years ago consume me. The consumption led to an analysis of myself; mentally draining those close to me (I finally was told to stop because they wouldn’t listen anymore); and research on the concepts of reason, excuse and rationalization.

As much as that caused some crazy, I actually found out a lot about myself and the above-mentioned ideas.  I wanted to know the if there were differences  between the three.  Reason is a statement offered in explanation or justification or a rational ground or motive. Whereas an excuse is to cause something to seem reasonable and rationalization is an excuse or an attractive explanation. After some pondering, I thought it best to face the truth and finally bring all of this craziness to a close. Why even try to find an explanation, justify it and make it pretty. I decided to take the last step to honesty in hopes of finding my Holy Grail. And…the answer led to this overwhelming feeling of…nothing.

Let’s recap:

1. Old memory presents itself.
2. I try to figure out what to do with it.
3. It leads to 5 weeks of mental, spiritual and emotional consumption which includes discussion, writing and researching.
4. I take the final steps toward a definitive answer.
5. There isn’t one.

As I sat on my bed, I said to the cat, “Wow, that was totally anticlimactic. Now what?”

The “now what” is the acceptance.  I learned that what I thought was so significant was really trivial. It didn’t negatively impact my life.  As a matter of fact, I think it made me stronger.  It also made me realize that I don’t need to let it rent space in my head.

I also learned that sometimes I like to manufacture personal drama because I kind of like it. And what does that lead to? Sometimes nothing or nothing good.

Malini’s Thought of the Week: Sometimes when you are stuck on something you have to leave it alone and revisit later. Later can be anywhere from 5 minutes to a few years.

One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things. – John Burroughs

It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future, and impossible to live in the past. Nothing is as far away as one minute ago. – Jim Bishop

If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. – Maya Angelou

I am a-sniffling but have managed to get myself to work. Alas, for me, that is one of the six things for me to do before New Year’s Eve. As I rush to work through the throngs of tourists, I often wonder what it’s like to be a tourist at this time of the year in this city. I love New York and it’s especially nice at the end of the year. So, I don’t think I would be a regular tourist but would enjoy the city the way natives do. Like, what if I…

6.  Avoided visiting Times Square since I work near it.  Maybe opting for a place like the New York Aquarium since not too many people are visiting Coney this time of the year.  Let’s see if this happens.

5.  Read a book.  (I just finished Iphegenia in Forest Hills).

4. Wrote a list of gifts I’d like to buy myself and then actually buy it…hmm, iPad mini.

3.  Tried to see one more show or concert before the end of the year (will be done and done! Hollow at The Players on Saturday and we saw TranSiberian Orchestra at Nassau Colliseum a week ago).

2.  I don’t fret about work and think about how fortunate I am to have something to do from 9-5.

1. Think about my New Year resolutions in Times Square.  I am sure to be inspired.

Happy New Year!!!

The last couple of weeks have me thinking about how I need to simplify happened on it’s own…much to my confusion as I wasn’t actively trying to do that. However, I am now able to look back and see how much the confusion, the conclusion and the culmination has been a blessing in disguise.and declutter. Most of it has

They materialized in the following ways:

• A relationship ended and a new one began;
• My projects ended and new ones are on the horizon;
• A personal goal/dream came true and a new one presented itself; and
• An old fear was faced and a new one will be conquered.

They physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually manifested at the same time. It has been this strange feeling of nausea and relief, confusion and clarity, extreme sadness and rage with true joy and gratitude.  I was finally able to ride the crest  and sit on the shore.  Once I was able to sit and listen to what I was being told (friends, the universe, myself), I finally let go.  I am simplifying.  I followed my gut and made decisions. I cleaned my kitchen. I mailed my Christmas cards. I caught up with friends. These actions keep me in the present. And it’s the holidays and I love presents.

Happy Holidays!

If you are in the NYC area, I am reading my poem, Catamarans, as part of the launch of Newtown Literary Magazine. Details are below. Hope you can make it 🙂

Last week I went away for a couple of days by myself to a place I had never visited. I have friends that do this regularly and honestly, I am in awe of them. Or rather I was in awe of them. The retreat proved to be more than just rest but a time of reflection.

It’s interesting how time goes by and if we don’t stop for a minute, we miss it. My favorite line from Ferris Bueller (“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”) and so true.  I realized that I had some unresolved issues that bubbled over my cauldron.  Some were painful, some were exciting. I was able to compartmentalize them and deal with them one at a time.

I also got to see how beautiful our state is in the fall. The weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too cold.  The leaves were brown, red and gold. So pretty.

I also realized that as much as I love to travel, I also love to come home.  There’s nothing like driving from upstate to the city. I specifically love that transition from country to city.  The sky shift from magical blue to city blue, the forests fade and the buildings materialize, and the loud hum of the city becomes the new score to my destination.

All I know is that I will be doing this more often. I think the next destination will be Montauk. I have never been there and I love the beach.

L’Shana Tova, friends. I love new years because that means a fresh start. And since there’s many of them within our calendar year, who says we have to wait until the usual January 1st. We can start making changes now like facing…fear.

So… I saw the pic on the right on Facebook and nearly choked.  And then received this in my in box yesterday morning and had to stop and think:            ” Courage is fear that has said its prayers.”  And then read one and sighed: Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.~Mark Twain

Okay. What’s the message I am receiving this week? To watch The Wizard of Oz? To dig deep within my soul and psyche? That I have fears? Ugh…not one to put  my insecurities and fears on display, the Facebook pic hit home because it is true.  I have jokingly  said that I look good on paper.  When we write our resumes, go on interviews, meet people for the first time, we are most certainly showing our highlight reel. It takes a ton of courage to essentially say  “Here’s the best of me and why you want to know me, become my best friend, maybe be fortunate enough to get close enough to hear my deep dark secrets!” However, how often to we really open up and share what’s really happening in our lives.  A friend of mind once made a comment that I have it all together. I had to laugh because no one goes home with me at night.  No one truly knows what goes on behind closed doors in anyone’s life. For me, I have to live in the present and not let my insecurities and fears derail me.

I personally think that courage is moving through fear.  One of my biggest fears is failure. I removed failure out of my vocabulary because I was giving the word too much power.  Once I removed failure as a default, I was able to accomplish what I wanted to do.  Especially as an artist. This is a business where FAILING is told to you over and over.  Now I just do what I want to do and if it doesn’t work out, at least I know I had the courage to try.

I guess my lesson of the week is to face some fears of which I may not be aware. And to watch The Wizard of Oz!

What’s your fear? Who’s brave enough to post a comment?!